It's been a long year. Postponing a wedding and moving to a new country is no joke. Neither is the impact a global pandemic has on mental, social and emotional health.
In a moment of overwhelm, I decided to take a spoonful of my own medicine and meditate on my personal needs.
"What do I need?" I inquired openly in stillness and silence.
"Space." My inner knowing became clear.
"F*ck, that's gonna take so much work!" I protested.
"Space." My inner knowing repeated gently, unwaveringly.
"The money!"
"Space." My inner knowing repeated gently, unwaveringly.
"The time!"
"Space." My inner knowing repeated gently, unwaveringly.
I knew ignoring my intuition would lead me nowhere, but the same burnt out loop I was in. I needed change. I needed space. I'd done the listening, but if I wanted change, I'd need to act. I know the drill.
Like a good student of the universe, I opened my eyes and booked my first same-day flight.
Stepping out into the warm, Florida night felt like I could still be in Puerto Rico, but nearly everything else about it showed me and Toto, we weren't in Kansas anymore. By "we," I mean me. I came solo. Space. It'd been a long time since I'd done much of anything solo.
The flat terrain and evenly paved roads led me to an empty house where I'd stay for a while. By "empty," I literally mean empty. No furniture whatsoever. Just one bed. Nothing but space.
Interesting isn't it?
Space.
When I woke up, I realized I had the entire day to myself. To do whatever I wanted. It brought me equal parts thrill and equal parts anxiety. Kinda like standing on the edge of a scenic cliff.
I figured step one would be to make a list (one of my favorite things to do) of all that I could do.
"Should's" flooded my mind.
"Get that blood test!"
" Help your parents with those errands!"
"Text everyone you've been putting off!"
"Use this peace and quiet for work and writing!"
My mind was just running its normal stress circuit, but instead of getting swept up in it, the space helped me listen deeper than my mind... into my intuition.
"Write down all the things that sound joyful right now." It told me.
So I did:
Drive to the Florida Keys
Do yoga
Meditate on LOVE
Get my nails done
Go to the beach
Explore a new neighborhood
Go shopping
Have a matcha
Walk
Dance
Go to a botanical garden
Self-love mirror work
Buy a bath bomb and take a hot bath
I stopped telling myself "no," or that I wasn't worth it, or that I needed to earn it, or that there were a million better or more productive ways to spend my time and just went. I waited on no one. I did it all. I did whatever I damn wanted.
And everything worked out magically: two of my oldest and greatest friends coincidentally happened to be in town for that extra bit of love and support I needed, when I panicked about a work document I needed to scan, I looked up and discovered an Office Deport right in front of me, while having a minor freakout about returning my first-ever rental car after hours, the manager popped out of a bush to help me and then give me a free extra day, when the local vegetarian restaurant I was dying to try closed for lunch, I stumbled into its other location for dinner, and when I hopped in the car to drive the four hours to the Florida Keys, I found myself at a random roadside farm stand with all of my absolute favorite, obscure tropical fruits.
When I did what I wanted, it went on and on like this. Abundance flowed.
And it felt so good.
And it healed so much.
And I felt like I could trust myself, the process and the universe again.
I realized how much I tell myself "no" for no reason. How many made up "should's" I unquestioningly abide by. I realized how easily I'd put myself in a cage and talk myself out of using the keys in my own hand.
Little did I know, those keys would give me direct access to all the freedom, joy, abundance, ease, adventure and wonder right in front of me. Actually, right inside of me. It's been here all along.
Heck, I didn't even have to go to Florida for it.
But the universe teaches in funny ways, and it's clear that for this particular lesson, I needed to find the keys to my sunshine in the Keys of the sunshine state.
The cutest.
How you can practice:
