I'm in a bit of a rebellious era right now if you haven't been able to tell. I'm dropping a lot of F-bombs on the internet, sharing my dark sense of humor, telling people what I want and don't want, stating my controversial opinions and not responding to calls when I'm not in the mood.
This may sound like a normal healthy person expressing themselves, but these have actually all been really scary for me.
Being someone who has been known to "help others" before I even got paid to do it, I always felt that I needed to be extremely kind, gentle and selfless. Those things I am, but I will no longer be to my own demise. The pendulum may swing a little harder than I mean it to as I find my footing at first, but I am truly ready to apologize if needed than beg for permission or hide the rest of my days.
So you know what? Here are seven midweek musings instead of nine because I F*CKING FEEL LIKE IT, BABY. LET'S GO!
1. Swearing.
I know some people think this is classless or tacky, but to me it's expressive and passionate. I like when people swear. It disarms me. I like to swear, it frees me.
2. Adult Sleepovers.
I am codependent AF so it's pretty hard for me to leave my partner's side. But whenever I do get out (or have a friend in) to stay the night, there is nothing more activating to all the sweetest parts of my inner child than this. I spent three nights with one of my oldest childhood friends in LA last week and we were able to go deep, be silly, get inspired, and drop down to our authentic core in a way that only time spent in this way can get out of you. I feel inspired, connected and joyful in so many new and wonderful ways. I'm gonna do this more because it always feels nourishing, and even healing.
3. Not drinking caffeine.
Caffeine has a place in its life from time to time, but it's not right now. As I rewire my nervous system and get off the urgency craze, I am learning to really listen to my body cues and still all the frenetic energy. I feel so much better.
4. Walks, walks, walks.
On my 3-day sleepover marathon with my friend, half of our time was spent walking. It's always been our thing even when we were little we'd beg our moms to let us "go on a walk." Earnestly, just to walk. Walks are regulating to the nervous system, great for our circadian rhythm and obviously incredible for maintaining healthy weight and digestion. The rhythmic motion and the lateral scanning the eyes naturally do as we move in this way helps calm us humans like not much else can.
5. The word "daddy."
Don't make this weird. I'm talking about adding it to the end of sentences like someone would say "baby." Like: "Let's freakin' go, baby!" Sub "daddy." Why is that so hilarious? Especially if you say it to a girl.
6. Taking your time to ask hard-hitting questions.
I was recently in a situation with a group of very loving people, but they were rapid-firing some of the deepest, biggest questions right out the gate and it left me feeling so incredibly overstimulated and anxious I really had to decompress. As someone who LOVES to go deep, it hit me that I could potentially be triggering people to feel this way. Just like the body needs to warm up to go into the deeper stretches, the mind and heart need time to ease in too - or it can be jarring. Big aha moment socially.
7. Not trying to predict what people will do/say.
I've spent years and I mean YEARS, CONSECUTIVE YEARS, PROBABLY CONSECUTIVE DECADES of my life trying to guess what people will say, do and how things will impact them. Mostly things I say/do/am. When in truth, I can never fully know and it's not my responsibility. If needed, I can apologize. I can save all those useless "sorry's" I've spent on moments I've asked for a favor or for a need or to sit at the table on real things like hurting someone's feelings even when I had good intent because you just can't know
what
you
don't
know.
