This week was a roller coaster. Big fears faced. Massive belly laughs. Severe disappointments. Deep love. Milestones. Strength and soothing. 2024 - hot damn, you're bringing it all up to be transmuted. Anybody else!?
I'm ready though. I feel empowered to tap into a strength I've let go dormant for a while and step the f*ck up.
Along with all that, Sean and I have been putting MAJOR efforts into my little jungly jungle bungalow - FINALLY. And it feels SO FKN GOOD. The walls have been sanded, skim-coated smooth, and nearly all painted. Custom curtain rods have been measured and built by my man and his dad, wires rerouted, some fixtures replaced and picked and so much more that would never be noticed by the newcomer, but to us it mattered. I'll be staining wood, painting some more and cleaning over the next week or so. I've never been this handy and I've made a lot of mistakes along the way, but it's starting to feel rewarding.
Outside of that grind, this is what's been inspiring me this week:
1. Whale watching.
It's whale season here on Maui and it's more majestic than I even remember. I've done whale watching boats and tours and they're all cool, but honestly, just sitting on the beach or somewhere with an ocean view and watching the horizon as they spout and breech and play is so beautiful (and free). When a few whales came closer to the shore than the rest, Sean and I darted for the water and I jumped in with half my clothes on so we could dive beneath the surface and hear their clicks, whistles and calls. Thatttt is something to experience.
2. Stargazing.
I couldn't sleep. I quietly wrapped myself in a blanket at 4 am and tiptoed my way to the lawn and laid down on my back. The air was balmy and gently cool. The sky was dark and filled with white twinkling stars. Every constellation was crisp, every planet steady. I could see stars behind stars. Within 5 minutes, I saw four shooting streaks across the stratosphere. I felt restored in a way I've been yearning for for years. I felt infinite, held and one.
3. Not getting out of bed until my energy is right.
My bf is one of those people who sets his alarm and snoozes (which is probably his worst quality, but love him) and so I've used it as an opportunity to almost get mini meditations in before my actual one. Once I'm woken up, I immediately notice where my mind is going (complaining, worrying, stressing, criticizing) and stop it right there. I immediately replace all that with gratitude. Just simply thinking of all the things I'm grateful for (my bed, his cuddles, the bird songs, the freedom I have in my life, my friends, my body, my breath, the light, my eyes, my clients, dinner the night before, etc.). It's surprising how hard it is to do sometimes - it feels like a weak, rusty muscle. That's exactly why I'm doing it - to change my mind, my energy, my life. And I won't get out of bed until it's right.
4. Seeing god in everyone and everything.
This is a philosophy I learned from growing up in our creepy haunted house in the jungle that I loved so much. It came with so much good AND so much darkness. The whole thing felt like a metaphor: life is equal parts light and dark and we get to take it in all its wholeness. This is easier said than done of course, and for me, is especially hard with people.
I had an experience on NYE with a family member who said something that really got on my nerves. Ironically, what was said by this person was another iteration of a New Year's resolution I'd set for myself just hours before. I took a breath and realized I was at a crossroads of decision: to let it ruin my night or to see god in it. This memo, although delivered in a way I didn't appreciate, was for me, not against me. I imagined the universe winking at me with it's tongue out and (;P) and softly smiled to myself.
5. Long walks.
Babies get patted, rocked and swayed because HUMANS are soothed by somatic rhythm and repetition. Though it's a little harder with our grown bodies to get into a basinet, things like hammocks, swaying, rocking chairs and long walks are adult hacks for the same stuff. We need it. It's self-love. It's self-soothing. It's quelling to the big emotions we all face being alive here on earth. I took a long beach walk after my family left and although I was tired and resistant at first, it relaxed me to a place I didn't even believe I was capable of getting to. Seriously, do it.
6. Eyelash serum.
Okay, this is one of the ONLY products (besides the occasional teeth whitening and Olaplex hair treatment) that I use that isn't clean and natural. I am a stickler for ensuring the ingredients I put on and in my body are pure and safe, but my sister gifted me this serum for Christmas after I complimented her INSANELY long eyelashes and within 3 weeks, I'm already noticing a significant difference. They're starting to curl because they're so much longer! I put it on pretty much nightly like eyeliner and I'm seriously convinced that soon, I'll never need fake eyelashes for anything ever again.
7. Naturepedic pillows.
I bought these about a year ago because they're natural, organic and SQUISHY. I'm a fluffy, squishy pillow girl and historically, liked two feathery bois under my head and one to hold. Now I sleep with one of these under my head and one to hold and the thickness is just perfect. It also just feels so good to know I'm breathing in clean stuff considering I'll spend 1/3 of my life mouth-breathing into them. I love them so much, I signed up to be an affiliate with them. Get yours here.
8. Saying "badabing," when there's nothing else to say.
My sister is the randomest and funniest person I know. Every time I see her, I take some random catch phrase with me that sends me every time I think about it. This time, the phrase is "badabing" in a New York accent. You say it when something goes right, when something goes wrong, and when there's just nothing left to say. Stifled laughter is cracking through my ribcage as I just type this now.
9. Zebra dove songs.
This is the sound of Hawai'i. And it's now the background of the meditations in the Mu Membership and my remote 1:1 sessions. People go nuts about it because it's tranquility in a bottle. You're welcome.
10. Active days as workouts.
I used to get so anxious about not getting a workout in, it was really its own kind of unhealthy. Ever since I got my Oura ring, I've been able to accurately track my steps and active and inactive calories burned in a day. Though I lived a healthy, fit life without knowing that info, I was so astounded to see how many calories I'm burning just being alive. With all the housework I've been doing while trying to balance family, work and my personal life, I haven't had time for my normal workout routine. But seeing that just movin' and groovin' is doing something is so relieving. It's unraveling the body anxiety and rigidity I've struggled with for a long time. Just stand, get crafty, walk around - it does so much more than you think.
11. Bergamot Jasmine candle by Artful Scents.
This candle was given to me by a sweet friend, Lisa here on Maui who owns a wonderful gift basket company called Baskets of Aloha. She knows the best local stuff and one of them is Maui-based candle company: Artful Scents. If I'm honest, the scent title is not something I would've gravitated towards, but holy god, is it amazing. Sensual and refreshing - it's seriously one of my favorite candles I've ever smelled in my life.
